Albany, NY: Capital of the Universe

Albany, the Capital of Universe. Photocred: Xxalekx
Albany, the Capital of Universe.   Photocred: Xxalekx

Not that I give space aliens a single ounce of credibility, but if they ever land on Earth I’m quite certain they’d arrive in Albany first, as it is well-known to be the capital city of the entire cosmos.

How might this be, you ask? Simple.

The only inhabited planet in the known universe is Earth, so the non-existent spacemen would look to our pale blue dot for leadership first.  And of all the nations of the world, none is so powerful, influential, wealthy, infrastructured and obvious as the United States of America. (Cue the USA chants.) Surely, the universal capital would reside within our borders. Now of these fifty United States, clearly New York surpasses the rest for close to the same reasons. We are after all, thanks to the megatropolis of New York City, the Empire State. Heck, two lesser states, Connecticut and New Jersey, are merely satellites of our largest city. Vermont is a former province of ours, and if I’m not mistaken, Pennsylvania can thank us for its puny coastline on Lake Erie. You’re welcome, PA. Even our native peoples beat your native peoples, with the Iroquois Confederacy practically clearing out and controlling an eight-state swath of land to use as vacationing hunting grounds for their days off after the Beaver Wars. At times, the Province and later State of New York claimed huge chunks of land from what’s now Canada and Maine, and nearly every part of New Jersey, Delaware, West Virginia, Ohio, Illinois, Tennessee, Kentucky, and Indiana. If our officials hadn’t been so generous in giving it up, where would college football be today? You’re welcome, Rednecks. New York City is the biggest and best of American cities, and is the seat of the UN; the closest thing the universe actually has to a capital anyway. But what governs New York City and the rest of the Empire State?

Albany: The capital of New York State, the most important state in the most important country on the most important planet in the universe.  Founded in 1609, Albany also happens to be one of the oldest settlements in the US, with the longest continuous charter in the US and likely the longest running instrument of municipal government in the Western Hemisphere.  One look at modern Albany’s futuristic Empire State Plaza, might give the impression alien architects built it. So don’t be scared off by Giorgio Tsoukalos all you missing little green space men. Come see us when you never get here.  (Unless of course, you’ve already received permission to land The Egg.)

Arms of the City of Albany
Arms of the City of Albany

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