Buttah

Kids say the darnedest things….

Butter

I went to high school with this kid who was kinda ugly.  He was pear-shaped and moonfaced, and usually looked drowsy.  Apparently he must have dropped the ball in gym class once too often, because he had acquired the nickname “Butterfingers”, which in Long Islandese became quickly truncated down to just “Buttah”.  “Mmmm, Buttah”, the jocks would say.  Unfortunately, it was a catchy nickname which stuck with him for most of high school.  Nevertheless, despite his unathletic physique he remained generally well-liked by just about everybody in our grade because he had a great sense of humor, and also because his hobby was competitive dirt bike racing- which gave him a unique coolness no one else had.  Yeah, he was no male model; so what?  But when he threw on a motorbike helmet, and raced over insane jumps on his bike, he was cooler than anyone.  So counter-intuitively, the guy was quite popular.  His social superiors saw to it that their friend Buttah was never truly mocked or excluded from any group activity.  He had a tight crew around him.  His looks or supposed clumsiness never held him back in gym because he was never the last to be picked.  If anything, his nickname earned him pride of place in gym class.  When choosing teams, the gym captains would usually shout something hilarious, like: “We want Buttah… ’cause he’s on a roll!”  And this is how the first three years of high school passed.

But when senior year came around, this guy’s younger sister entered school as a freshman.  And she looked just like him!  It was amazing how similar they looked.  Really, it was amazing.  Same body, same face, but with longer hair.  And on the first day when she walked in, somebody in the hallway shouted: “I can’t believe it’s not Buttah!”
Hands down, one of the funniest things I’ve ever heard in school.

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